decisions x.x

i might. change schools. in the next 10 days.

yeah you heard right.

i might only have 10 days left in lodge. and i just found out today.

i dont know. what i want now. i want to leave. but. lodge. has grown on me. like a particularly irritating fungus that you have started to think looks pretty in certain lighting.

i wanted to leave after form three. cos i want exposure. i dont wanna be the sombong lodge kiddie who saunters around and speaks bm like a total eejit. but if i leave after form three. i have absolutely no say as to what school i get. meaning i could get some really far away school in the middle of nowhere that i absolutely despize.

i get to choose schools. *IF* i change schools by april. yeah. april. i. dont know what to do.

lodge. my lodge. no pmr here. no miss chin. no miss ng. no cikgu diana. no cikgu mong. (not too sure if thats good or bad LOL) no musical evening. no sports day. no colette. no more of tbt's annoying drone in science. no more naz's cleanclean shoes. no more sitting on the windowsill staring at our fallen railing. no more amanda telling me off for eating in the classes. no more listening to my mp3 in the boring classes. no more making phone calls in art. no more of ijaz's emo hair. no more of andy. no more danny kueh. no more funky international students. no more study buddy with liz. no more sickbaytime with hway. no more giant rush in the canteen.

no more recycled mee, no more breeding spoons, no more daniprozac only being 2classes away. no more poking morgan's boobs. no more croatian rhapsody begging. no more irene yong jokes. no more playing guitar after school. no more walking to unishop for shandy and playing at the playground. no more aliya or nadia, the coolest primary 5 kids i know. no more conteng-ed science table, not that its conteng-ed anymore. no more incredibly messy place, no more pigeon lady, no more loudspeaker, no more strutting generals, no more...

no more lodge.

there was once a time. i would have sauntered out of there in an instant.

but i will miss it. i want to leave. i want to stay.

i wish everything could come with me.

i think im getting that big change i asked for. just not quite what i was expecting.