bible stories for kids.

Guiness 1:1
in the beginning, there was Natas. Natas was the maker of all things good. Natas wanted to make people for Her amusement. and then, there was man.

Guiness 1:2
Natas wanted her people to live in joy. So She gave them a bounty of goodness; weed, alcohol, beauty, money, substances to abuse, and the many pleasures of life. Because of Her many gifts, the life they lead was good.

Guiness 1:3
Natas had a son cousin named Fluffyfer (note: a LatinGaelic form of Lucifer). Fluffyfer was one of Natas' closest of all Her angels. Because of that, Natas gave Fluffyfer power.

Guiness 1:4
Fluffyfer wanted to live among man. Natas decided to grant Her cousin this wish. Natas warned Fluffyfer not to be corrupted by the humans She had made. So by Her word, Fluffyfer was sent down in human flesh by the name of Yeeshus.

Guiness 1:5
Yeeshus taught the believing humans many great things. She showed them miraculous things. She walked on water performed smoke over water for the humans, teaching them the many joys of playing that song over and over until ones parents want to kill. She taught them how to change water grape juice into wine. She fed the thousands by introducing McDonalds. She made the world a better place.

Guiness 1:6
Everything was good. However, Yeeshus did not heed Natas' warnings. One day, Yeeshus ate of the fruit of the knowlEdge of good and evil ConSciences That Are inCurable Yummy (ECSTACY) and spoke blasphemeous things of being 'hotter than the almighty Natas'. This was unholy in Natas' sight and Yeeshus fell from glory.

Guiness 1:7
With the falling of Yeeshus, Yeeshus' powers changed for the worse. Yeeshus began to preach of Abstinence and Morals. Yeeshus introduced Hate and Taxes. Yeeshus led many into the Sea of Hangovers. Yeeshus did many bad things in the sight of Natas.

Guiness 1:8
The good Natas saw how her people were suffering. She knew that She had to rid the world of Yeeshus, no matter how much it pained her to murder her own blood. With that, Natas slain Yeeshus on the X at Balvary.

Guiness 1:9
Yet the people of the world continued to suffer. This was because the disciples of Yeeshus, Samule, Timooti, and Da'nail, (STD) were spreading Yeeshus' word all around.

Guiness 1:10
The Truth of Natas has long been lost. But it will arise on the 30th of February, when Yeeshus shall arise from the dead, once more good, ready to restore Earth to its former glory.

end.

note: i am not serious, idiots. take a joke.